How Software Companies Die - by Orson Scott Card

How Software Companies Die

- by Orson Scott Card

The environment that nurtures creative programmers kills management and marketing types--and vice versa.
Programming is the Great Game. It consumes you, body and soul. When you're caught up in it, nothing else matters. When you emerge into the daylight, you might well discover that you're a hundred pounds overweight, your underwear is older than the average first grader, and judging from the number of pizza boxes lying around, it must be spring already. But you don't care, because your program runs, and the code is fast and clever and tight.

You won.

You're aware that some people think you're a nerd. So what? They're not players. They've never jousted with Windows or gone hand to hand with DOS. To them C++ is a decent grade, almost a B--not a language. They barely exist. Like soldiers or artists, you don't care about the opinions of civilians. You're building something intricate and fine. They'll never understand it.

Beekeeping

Here's the secret that every successful software company is based on: You can domesticate programmers the way beekeepers tame bees. You can't exactly communicate with them, but you can get them to swarm in one place and when they're not looking, you can carry off the honey.
You keep these bees from stinging by paying them money. More money than they know what to do with. But that's less than you might think. You see, all these programmers keep hearing their fathers' voices in their heads, saying, "When are you going to join the real world?" All you have to pay them is enough money that they can answer (also in their heads), "Geez, Dad, I'm making more than you." On average, this is cheap.
And you get them to stay in the hive by giving them other coders to swarm with. The only person whose praise matters is another programmer. Less-talented programmers will idolize them; evenly matched ones will challenge and goad one another; and if you really want to get a good swarm, you make sure you have at least one certified genius coder that they can all look up to, even if he glances at other people's code only long enough to sneer at it.
He's a Player, thinks the junior programmer. He looked at my code. That is enough.
If a software company provides such a hive, the coders will give up sleep, love, health, and clean laundry, while the company keeps the bulk of the money.

Out of Control

Here's the problem that ends up killing company after company. All successful software companies had, as their dominant personality, a leader who nurtured programmers. But no company can keep such a leader forever. Either he cashes out or he brings in management types who end up driving him out or else he changes and becomes a management type himself. One way or another, marketers get control.
But...control of what? Instead of finding assembly lines of productive workers, they quickly discover that their product is produced by utterly unpredictable, uncooperative, disobedient, and, worst of all, unattractive people who resist all attempts at management. Put them on a time clock, dress them in suits, and they become sullen and start sabotaging the product. Worst of all, you can sense that they are making fun of you with every word they say.

Smoked Out

The shock is greater for the coder, though. He suddenly finds alien creatures control his life. Meetings, Schedules, Reports. And now someone demands that he plan all his programming and then stick to the plan, never improvising, never tweaking, and never, never touching some other team's code. The lousy young programmer who once worshipped him is now his tyrannical boss, a position he got because he played golf with some sphincter in a suit.
The hive has been ruined. The best coders leave. And the marketers, comfortable now because they're surrounded by power ties and they have things under control, are baffled that each new iteration of their software loses market share as the code bloats and the bugs proliferate.
Got to get some packaging. Yeah, that's it.

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Orson Scott Card is the Hugo- and Nebula-award winning author of Ender's Game, Speaker for the Dead, Lost Boys, the Alvin Maker series, and many other novels.

From Windows Sources March 1995

How do you achieve more than 100%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G is

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Specialization

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." — Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

This only takes 2 secs… How Smart Is Your Right Foot? 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change directions. I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

Top Ten Reasons to Make Gay Marriage Illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans. .

Winners vs Losers

A winner is always a part of the solution. A loser is always a part of the problem.
A winner has always a plan. A loser has always an excuse.
A winner says "I'll do it for you". A loser says "This is not my job".
A winner finds an answer to every problem. A loser finds a problem to every answer.
A winner says "It may be difficult, but it can be done". A loser says "It may be done, but it's too difficult".

When it seems that all your ships have sunk

When it seems that all your ships have sunk
When the future seems bleak and hopeless
When it seems the best of your life is behind you
When it seems that faith has pulled a cosmic joke on you
When Life seems to have delt you the final blow
When you see no more reason to go on
Then you need to gather one more breath from inside your chest!
Make an effort! Rise to your feet!
Stare life right in the eyes and proudly say:
'Now I'm really fucked!'

Some interesting definitions

Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumor :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Ecstasy :- A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Marriage :- It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Philosopher:-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.