This is how business is done

Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks to his son:
-I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: -I will choose my own bride!
Jack: -But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.
Son: -Well, in that case...
Next, Jack approaches Bill Gates.
-I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates: -But my daughter is too young to marry!
Jack: -But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: -Ah, in that case...
Finally, Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
-I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President: -But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!
Jack: -But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.
President: -Ah, in that case...

This is how business is done.

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so
priceless, and so so easy to see happening, customer service being what it
is today.

*A lady died this past January (2006), and Citibank billed her for
February

and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added
late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00,
now was somewhere around $60.00.

*A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:*

*Family Member:* "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed and The late fees and charges
still apply."

*Family Member:* "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

* Citibank:* "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

*Family Member:* "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

*Citibank:* "Either report her account to frauds division or report her
to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

*Family Member:* "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked
this part!!!!)

*Citibank:* "Excuse me?"

*Family Member:* "Did you just get what I was telling you? The part
about her being dead?"

*Citibank:* "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

(Duh!)

*Supervisor gets on the phone:*

*Family Member:* "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."

*Citibank:* "The account was never closed And late fees and c harges
still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

*Family Member:* "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

*Citibank:* (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"

*Family Member:* "No, I'm her great nephew."

(Lawyer info given)

*Citibank:* "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

*Family Member:* "Sure."

(Fax number is given)

*After they get the fax::

*Citibank:* "Our system just isn't setup for death I don't know what
more I can do to help."

*Family Member:* "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could
just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

*Citibank:* "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these people?!?)

*Family Member:* "Would you like her new billing address?"
*Citibank:* "That might help."

*Family Member:* " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number
69."

*Citibank:* "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

*Family Member:* "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
(Priceless!!)

A blonde at the grocery store: - I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions. - I can help you with the tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with the onions... - Ok... than I'll have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2 onions - I see you don't understand me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes, but I have no onions - I see... than I'll have a tomato, a potato and an onion - Ok, let's do this the other way around. If you take the "mato" out of the "tomato", what do you have? - Aaaa... "to"? - Right, and if you take the "tato" out of the "potato", what do you have? - Aaaa... "po"? - Excellent, and if you take the "fuck" out of the "onion", what do you have? - Aaaa... aaa... but there is no "fuck" in "onion" - Exactly, there is no fuckin' onion!

Cool Russian Captcha

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.