Stupid Quotes

"It has been said by some cynic, maybe it was a former president, 'If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.' Well, we took them literally - that advice, as you know. But I didn't need that because I have Barbara Bush."
- Former President George Bush

"I have no idea what White House statement was issued, but I stand behind it 100 percent."
- Richard Darman, budget director in the Bush administration

"I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it."
- movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
- Vice President Dan Quayle, in a CNN interview, speaking about the San Francisco earthquake

"Life is indeed precious, and I believe the death penalty helps affirm this fact."
- Edward Koch, former New York City mayor

"Please provide the date of your death."
- IRS letter sent to a dead man whose widow had filed a return for him

" We are going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
- Vice President Dan Quayle

"Open seven days a week, excluding Sundays!"
- sign on a Kentucky Fried Chicken store

"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump after writing her first novel

"All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you endorse it."
- President George Bush, to Colorado Governor Roy Romer

"The best example of all, to me, that our problems are both personal and cultural and political and social is the whole condition of the middle class economically."
- President Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

"I was nearly an orphan myself. I had only one mother and one father."
- Yankee Joe Dugan

"I do expose my body, but only because I think people should have something nice to look at."
- actress Brigitte Nielsen

"We?ve all had hypothermia at times on [Baywatch]. David Charvet almost had to be hospitalized. But it?s easier for me to endure the cold because I?m an owner of the show and I?m the highest-paid guy."
- Baywatch star David Hasselhoff

"We have a marriage, like a father and son."
- sports promoter Don King, on his relationship with boxer Julio Cesar Chavez

"Cheating is out of the question. Sure, Frank sees sexy flight attendants and businesswomen when he flies around the country. But the only come-on he gets anymore is 'C?mon, Frank, show us a picture of Cody'."
- Kathie Lee Gifford, in her book I Can?t Believe I Said That, written before husband?s well-publicized tryst with a flight attendant

"The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on the 31st and 32nd of June."
- Mets sportscaster Ralph Kiner

"I love home openers, whether they?re at home or on the road."
- baseball great Yogi Berra

Waiter: Do you want a shrimp cocktail?
Baseball Player Jeff Stone: No thanks-I don?t drink

"Leo (Leonardo DiCaprio) knows he?s got sex appeal and he knows how to use it. Yet he doesn?t think he?s gorgeous. And to me, he?s simply smelly, farty Leo."
- Kate Winslet on Titanic co-star Leonardo DiCaprio

"My goals are to hit .300, score 100 runs, and stay injury-prone."
- baseball player Mickey Rivers

"There was a bug in the place that I was trying to kill. This thing had tried to attack me and tried to suck my blood- a big cockroach. And I tried to get it. I tried to whack it. I?d miss and smash a lamp."
- actor Johnny Depp, explaining how his hotel room got smashed

"The Houston Astros are the youngest team in the National League if you judge by age."
- baseball star Don Drysdale

"The pitcher has a blister on the index hand of his pitching finger."
- San Diego Padres broadcaster Jerry Coleman

"From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I have ever seen on a running back."
- John Madden, CBS sportscaster

"Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it."
- movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, former NYC mayor

"You wouldn't have won if we had beaten you."
- Yogi Berra

"We expect them (Salvadoran officials) to work toward the elimination of human rights."
- Vice President Dan Quayle

"I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our fifty-two states."
- Raquel Welch, on her appearance at a pro-choice rally in Chicago, on "Larry King Live"

"They've managed to keep their unemployment low although their overall unemployment is high."
- President Bill Clinton

"I feel my best when I'm happy."
- Winona Ryder

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Ex-Houston Oiler and Florida State coach Bill Peterson

"I was unhappy ... but it's over, done, water under the dam."
- Cal Ripkin, Sr., baseball manager, upon being fired