The Benefits of Being Female

1. We got off the Titanic first.
   
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder
   excuses.
   
3. We never ejaculate prematurely.
   
4. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll
   it's pathetic.
   
5. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous; guys look
   like complete idiots in ours.
   
6. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
   
7. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure
   in a computer game.
   
8. Taxis stop for us.
   
9. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
   
10. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
    
11. Free moving (you get the point).
    
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
    
13. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
    
14. We know 'The Truth' about whether size matters.
    
15. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're
    not the devil.
    
16. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
    
17. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
    
18. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
    
19. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group
    shower.
    
20. No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.
    
21. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
    
22. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being
    emotionally neglected.
    
23. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
    
24. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
    
25. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass.
    
26. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
    
27. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
    privates are still there.
    
28. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
    
29. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
    
30. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture
    them naked.
    
31. Our friends don't think we're weird if we ask whether there's
    spinach in our teeth.
    
32. We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all
    your problems.
    
33. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
    
34. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
    
35. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.